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Growing up can be a real bitch.

And it feels like the spontaneity of social media amplifies a lot of the insecurities I experience. Feelings of inadequacy surface because you always feel as if you could be doing so much more. Uncertainty perturbs because you never stop doubting yourself, questioning your commitments and relationships. Anxieties are also blown mercilessly out of proportion because you think that your counterparts are judging you all the time.

It is a rotten feeling, but I just find it really difficult to feel happy for others. Unbearably hypocritical, I know.

This depression goes on. You can’t help but feel sorry for yourself, when your circumstances and plight – vis-à-vis others who are perpetually having the time of their lives – seem woefully miserable. It is a downward spiral from that point on. You start to think about the many friends you have disappointed (did I really say that?), and how hard it is to be around people. You try to convince yourself that you have wonderful qualities, before you are reminded of your plethora of failures (you are not that good).Of course, regret comes knocking to inform you what might have been, if only you hadn’t been such a twat.

And all you really need is time with yourself, to let these retrospective reflections sink in. It goes beyond the acknowledgement that I’ve fucked up (because how many times can you lull yourself into that mentality), but willing yourself to trudge on in spite of these concerns.

We say, stop doing that man! Accept that we are imperfect creatures, and slip-ups are inevitable. Be more open-minded and appreciative, and cease being so narrow-minded. Don’t look back and moan; set your sights for the future and inject optimism in your life. Don’t feel sorry for yourself; you are admirable the way you are. Don’t benchmark yourself against other individuals, don’t compare; just seek to better yourself.

If only it was that easy, man.

About guanyinmiao

A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting. Carlos Castaneda.


12 thoughts on “Insecurity

  1. Randomly saw this pop up on my news feed. Struck a chord. Great piece

    Posted by Zhang Yi Tao | March 15, 2013, 1:55 pm
  2. focus on something seemingly simple and trivial. thinkers and writers have a habit of kicking up this dust in our search, and then we suffer for it. pick something trivial and slaughter it! then move to the next little thing.

    Posted by Visakan Veerasamy | March 16, 2013, 7:30 pm
  3. I’ll just say for this that don’t let the spontaneity of social media or what you perceive from social media be the root of your insecurities because all that perception is as real as they are not real, if you know what I mean. 😉

    Posted by jn (@fivetwosix) | March 23, 2013, 3:57 am


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